


Reason For Breathing

by OnlyFoxMulder



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, MSR, Post-S11, Season 11, Season/Series 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 15:59:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19380001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyFoxMulder/pseuds/OnlyFoxMulder
Summary: Mulder is left alone with baby Lily for the first time. Just some fluff with a special appearance from someone who deserved better.





	Reason For Breathing

**Author's Note:**

> This idea for my second story came to me one night when I was trying to sleep (as usual) and I had to write it down. It didn’t come out exactly the way I hoped but I’m going to write more father-daughter bonding in the future. Mulder would be the sweetest dad on earth and I’ll always be sad we’ll never see it play out the way it should. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Thank you Amanda for the beta! (@OnlyTrustScully on Twitter!)

April 22nd, 2019

* * *

“Are you sure you don’t want me to cancel?” Scully questioned while she scooped her car keys from the hook by the front door.

On the first unseasonably warm spring day, his Scully was glowing. Dressed in a pretty powder blue sundress that somehow made her ocean eyes look even brighter than usual, along with some ornate sandals which he could imagine shining brightly in the sun. She seemed ready to spend the morning walking a boardwalk by some sandy faraway beach.

The worry lines creasing her forehead and unmistakable frown betrayed her carefree appearance. She looked troubled.

“It will be good for you, Scully,” he said closing in on her space, forcing her to stare up at him. “We’ll be just fine here.”

The ‘we’ he was referring to was himself and his daughter, who was currently sleeping in the nursery upstairs.

_His daughter._

The mere thought of his child still evoked such awe, even six months later. Lily Jane Mulder completely transformed their entire world. Each passing day was a new thrilling and sometimes terrifying adventure.

For him especially.

Missing in action during his first foray into parenting, taking care of a baby frightened him. In fact, Scully almost had to force him to hold Lily in the hospital. It’s not that he didn’t want to—he dreamt about that moment since the day he learned Scully was pregnant again. With every fiber of his being, he wanted to cuddle her close. It was his deep seated insecurities and fear of breaking everything he touched that caused his nervousness.

 _“You won’t break her, Mulder.”_ Scully’s voice had broken his trance, causing him to cozy up next to her on the crisp hospital bed and carefully take the baby into his arms. She immediately curled into his chest, murmuring sweet baby noises as she dozed.

From that moment on, trepidation was replaced with excitement. Excitement for the future with the new addition to the family.

Today’s adventure involved a Mommy-less morning to mid-afternoon while she took a well earned break. At his insistence, she begrudgingly agreed to leave the house for a few hours; maybe do some shopping or possibly take a walk in the park. She’d been cooped up in this house for nearly six months and he told her she deserved a few hours off.

He wasn’t so sure Scully would take him up on the suggestion. ‘It’s too early,’ she continued to insist when he broached the subject.

Luck was on his side when Monica called to chat a few evenings ago. Scully ended up agreeing to have lunch and spend some time with her old friend, leaving himself and Lily alone for the first time. He spent plenty of time playing with her, holding her, changing her, and feeding her when he wanted Scully to have some extra shut eye. But this marked the first time he was going to be on his own without backup.

Scully was still having doubts with the idea of leaving Lily so soon. It had zero to do with his capabilities as a caring father and everything to do with being separated from her daughter.

“I’m going to miss her too much and… What if she needs me?” Her voice was strained, seemingly calling back tears.

He inwardly sighed and attempted to be as gentle as possible. She was anxious, understandably so, and misdirected annoyance was altogether the opposite way to handle their current situation. It was his own self-doubt which caused him to feel inadequate, incapable of taking care of his daughter without Scully nearby.

Brushing a few golden strands away from her cheek, he brushed it behind her ear before grazing her jawline. “Lily will be fine, honey, I promise. If she needs you or if _I_ need you, you’re only a phone call away,” he tried his best to reassure her, using a hushed tone to calm her frayed nerves.

“You’re allowed to have some me time, Scully. You’re not abandoning her,” he added and noticed her resolve began to crumble. “She’s going to enjoy some quality bonding with Daddy and you will have a nice time with Monica. Everything will be okay and you’ll be back home before you know it.”

She sighed in assent and offered him a weak smile. “You’re right… She’ll be fine. You’re a wonderful father to her, Mulder and she adores you. I’m fairly certain you two can manage to stir up some trouble while I’m gone,” she said, her tone becoming light and teasing.

“Did Dana Katherine Scully just say I was right? Do my ears deceive me? If only Lily was awake, she could be my witness,” he retorted without skipping a beat.

If he weren’t gazing down into her eyes, he swore he would have been able to _hear_ her eye roll—something she never seemed to outgrow. This was an amused eye roll, however, and the mood in the room changed.

“Alright funny man, I’m going. Give her a kiss for me.” She hitched her purse higher onto her shoulder then dropped a chaste kiss to his lips in goodbye.

“Have a good time, Scully, and drive safe,” he waved her off and closed the door behind her with a muffled thud.

He made himself busy with some laundry and some other miscellaneous tasks around the house while he waited for Lily.

***************

After waking from her mid-morning nap, Lily had been all giggles and smiles. Much like her father who returned every gleeful grin with one of his own and showered his baby with all the affection he could muster.

His feet were propped up on the coffee table while she rested against his thighs. Her little feet were kicking wildly in her own uncoordinated rhythm against his chest. Every few kicks, he would take one of those bare feet into his palm, triggering the wiggle of her legs when she realized she couldn’t pull away. Her enthusiasm caused him to bring the captured foot to his lips, giving it an exaggerated kiss. Ecstatic laughter followed.

It was still astonishing to think he felt those same movements beneath Scully’s soft skin only a few short months ago. Lounging in bed while Scully read a parenting book or magazine, he would rest his head in the narrow space between her growing belly and her newly enhanced breasts, while he traced random patterns across her belly and waited for a reaction from his daughter. She normally answered his touches with spirited rolls and flips. This was the nightly game they played up until her birth and now, he was able to savor the look on her face with his own eyes as she flailed about.

A polite knock on the front door snapped him out of his playful haze and their current rousing game.

Confusion bubbled up inside him. The only people who came to visit were Scully’s brother Bill and sister-in-law Tara—but only after calling them first to let them know—along with Monica when she wanted to visit. As far as he knew, Bill and Tara were still in California and Monica was already spending the day with Scully.

That only left one suspect.

Lily, who was now in the process of chewing some of her fingers, made no sound of discontent when he held her on his shoulder and heaved himself off the couch.

Through the window, he could almost make out the sight of a black mid-size SUV parked behind his own similar vehicle. Shortly after Lily was born, he chose to give up the Mustang to find something larger and more suitable for a father. He didn’t regret his decision.

Mulder opened the door to reveal the bowed form of Walter Skinner. He observed two things instantly: how awkward the man looked to be dropping by the home of his former Agent unannounced and the wooden cane clutched in his hand. The only lasting impairment from his brush with death was not lost on Mulder as he hurried him inside.

“Skinner? Is something wrong?” He inquired, pulling the door open further for him to enter. “Come in.”

Skinner spoke as he crossed the threshold, his free hand resting on the back of his neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t call first… I can come back another day… I mean, if you’re busy?”

Skinner subtlety hitched his chin to the infant resting in Mulder’s arms. She was apparently too immersed in the neckline of his tee shirt to notice the new presence inside her world. Her nimble little fingers were pulling at the fabric as if it were the most fascinating thing she’d ever seen and it made Mulder chuckle.

“No, no… Lily and I were just trying to keep ourselves out of trouble while Mommy is away.” He gave his girl a playful belly tickle and she squealed with delight. “Have a seat.”

He nodded and both of them sat down in the living room, Mulder in the same space as before and Skinner made himself comfortable in the newly acquired loveseat opposite the sofa.

Skinner cleared his throat and with the faintest hint of a smile, his eyes focused on the baby again. “I never thought I’d see the day…”

“The day?” He prompted.

“The day I’d find Fox Mulder in the home he shares with Dana Scully, wearing pajama pants and holding his daughter with the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders.”

He never thought he would have seen it either. Mulder of yesteryear was too selfish, jaded and one track minded to foresee any domestic scenario involving his incredible red-headed partner. Young Mulder would prefer to believe in the prospect of aliens than such normalcy.

Mulder of the present would like to have a word with Past Mulder to talk some sense into him.

He found himself gazing fondly at the child in his arms once again. When she started to reach up and touch his chin, he kissed her fingers. “Neither did I. Life has an extraordinary way of surprising us, huh?”

“It certainly does.”

Silence blanketed the room. He assumed Skinner would cut to the chase and reveal the reason for his visit. He was never fond of pleasantries as our superior, he always skipped the chatter and was down to business. 

“How are you feeling, sir?” He asked, curious about his sudden reappearance after recuperating in seclusion. The last time he or Scully saw him was the night after being released from intensive care. He refused assistance and told them to give him space to recover on his own.

“Fine. Almost healed,” he said. His gruff tone signaled that line of questioning was over. “I just…. I wanted to see how the three of you were doing.”

They had told Skinner about the pregnancy during their last meeting. The conversation was short and purposeful in light of the sheer chaos surrounding their lives after the events on the docks.

“Well, Scully is actually with Monica right now, so it’s just me and the little one here.” Lily stirred in his arms once again, her gaze finally focusing on Skinner.

“Do you want to hold her?” He suggested, expecting him to say no.

Skinner shifted in his seat, looking more nervous than Mulder had ever seen him. “I wouldn’t want to… um, disturb her? She looks so peaceful.”

“Nah, don’t worry. She’s an easy baby and would love to meet you.”

Skinner nodded imperceptibly and rearranged his body to accept the willing child in his arms. She fidgeted some before calming and allowing him to see those huge and round blue eyes.

“She looks so much like you, Mulder,” he paused briefly. “But those eyes are all Scully.”

The awe in his tone warmed his heart. Hearing someone express unadulterated amazement in his family made Mulder proud. He didn’t exactly have much to show for all the painstaking years he spent seeking the answers to the infinite secrets of the world. What he did have was incalculable: the beautiful family he created with Scully was his shining accomplishment.

“Scully still predicts they’ll change color and become more like mine. I hope they stay blue.” He loved to be reminded of the other female in his life each time Lily opened her eyes. “But I love her dark hair. What little she has of it, anyway.”

“Take it from an outside perspective, she’s your spitting image, Mulder. From the brown hair to the button nose, she’s all you,” he joked, causing them both to laugh.

Quiet settled over the room once again—neither of them knowing what to say next. Mulder watched Skinner’s expression evolve from wonder to yearning.

“You and Scully are so fortunate. You paved a path to the life you both deserve,” he said unequivocally, his stare was penetrating and unwavering.

“I watched your partnership for almost a decade. I witnessed every traumatic experience: the death of both your parents, abduction, cancer, her heartbreak when she lost you and had to move on for the sake of your unborn child, your awkward return and everything else in between and beyond….” he stopped and exhaled. His mood changed to something more jovial. “And all the while, I couldn’t help but ponder why on earth it took a damn century for you to realize who was standing right there the whole time.”

Mulder couldn’t repress his mirthful response. “Took us seven years but we eventually managed to look past the one rule we hadn’t already broken.”

Lily interrupted any forthcoming reply from Skinner with a high pitched whine, accompanied by her tiny curled hand rubbing one of her eyes. Mulder knew indignant wailing would follow if he didn’t warm up a bottle.

“Uh oh, I think she wants you again.” Skinner looked utterly panicked by the fussy infant who was now focused on her daddy and the relief she knew he could provide. If only Mulder had a camera at his disposal. Scully would get a kick out of their normally stoic former boss’ look of distress.

He satisfied her reaching arms, allowing her to lay back down against his chest. She calmed right away. “It’s been quite the eventful morning. I helped her play with every toy known to man for a few hours before your arrival, so she should be ready for an afternoon snack and nap before too long. Right Lily?” She simply drooled around a slobbery fist, eyes drooping. He was looking forward to rocking her delightfully warm and cuddly body to sleep—and probably drifting off with her.

“I’ll let you get back to your day. I just wanted to come by and see how you three have been since we last spoke,” he said before leaning on his cane. Mulder noticed him waver slightly as he got to his feet and moved towards the front door.

“We should have dinner sometime soon when Scully’s home. You and Arlene,” he suggested, feeling guilty their impromptu visit had been cut short. “I’d like you catch up some more…. Scully too and I’m sure Lily would love to spend some time with Uncle Skinner when she isn’t half asleep.”

He looked touched by the invitation, looking down at the floor briefly before responding. “Sure, Mulder. Let Scully know I said hello and give her my well wishes.”

“Will do.”

“And Mulder? You have a beautiful family.” He gave Mulder the most genuine smile he had ever seen from him. “You should be proud.”

He _was_ proud. Each morning, he was greeted by one or both of his girls—the two girls who made him the luckiest man in the universe. Sometimes it was the innocent giggling or needy cry from his daughter who jostled him awake shortly before dawn. And other days, it was Scully who roused him from slumber, lazily kissing down his chest and waking him with unspoken affection. In those moments, he truly realized how fortunate he was for the gifts life had given him.

“I am, sir. More than you know,” he said, his voice cracking beneath the emotion he’s found more difficult to keep hidden. Fatherhood had him tearing up at the drop of a hat.

“Good. I’ll see you soon.”

After waving Skinner off and pushing the door closed, Lily started to protest the lack of undivided attention with a sharp wail and a palm against his chest.

“Okay, okay, shhh. Let’s get you something to eat, hm? Then what do you say we take a nice nap until mommy comes home?” He asked her, knowing she wouldn’t object to a clean diaper, some food and comfy time in her parents’ bed.

***************

Mulder drew the blinds closed, bathing the room in various shades of gray. The faint aroma of Scully’s shampoo lingered in the air from her earlier shower. It was comforting to feel her presence.

Back when they were merely work partners, friends at best, he found himself craving her smell. Whether it was her floral perfume, fruity shampoo, medicinal body lotion or her fresh and untouched fragrance—her sweet scent calmed his chattering brain and nagging thoughts that plagued him. He became acquainted with her various smells and when he relayed this nugget of information to Scully later in their intimate relationship, she admitted to feeling the same way.

Sitting down in the plush rocking chair, he held his daughter close and offered her the bottle. She accepted his offering and locked eyes with him as she suckled eagerly.

As she always did with him, her hand made its way to rest against his own holding the bottle upright. The soft contact caused tears to spring free and blur his vision.

Scully had seen him like this before and wondered how a simple action could cause such a visceral reaction in him. ‘Because _she_ chose to reach out. _She_ decided to connect with me. Sure, I’m holding her close but the additional touch was initiated by _her_ and her only,’ was his answer.

Each time Lily held his finger, reached a chubby arm to graze his nose and chin, or held onto his shoulder, his heart swelled with pride and adoration. He had done something right to gain her approval and unconditional love. It meant the world to him.

Once she emptied the bottle and began to nod off, he carefully cut the remaining lights and eased himself into a relaxed position across his side of the bed. He managed to avoid jostling her and safely tucked her under his chin. It had become one of her favorite places, along with her mother. It was his favorite spot for them too. He could wrap an arm around their backs and keep them close to his heart.

Mulder left a soft and lingering kiss to the top of her fuzzy head and murmured his love for her in a soft whisper. She was breathing deep and even, her chest rising and falling against his own. It was hypnotic and sleep soon called him.

***************

The slight dip of the mattress woke him and he impulsively tightened his arm around Lily. His momentary panic gave way to elation as Scully crawled into bed beside them. He took his free arm and held it out in offering, one she eagerly accepted.

“How long has she been out?” Scully’s voice was low and dripping with happiness.

The alarm clock glowing on his nightstand told him they were only asleep for a short while. She was still dozing soundly against him, undisturbed by her mother’s return.

“Hm, only about a half hour or so. She was exhausted, so I fed her and then rocked her for a while,” he said in an equally hushed tone.

He felt rather than heard her laugh against him. “She appears to be very happy here in our bed… I seem to remember saying we need to _try_ and wean her off the luxury of napping in our bed,” she said in mock annoyance. He knew just as well as she did; Scully didn’t mind Lily in their bed. She craved the unconditional love and warmth their daughter provided.

“You know me. I can't resist her big blue eyes and the mewling sound she makes whenever I attempt to lower her into the crib,” he dropped another kiss to her head and rubbed her back. “I love holding her.”

It sounded lame to his own ears but it was the simple truth—he wanted to hold her. Every second of every day.

Scully placed her hand over his, the one keeping their daughter close. “And I love watching you hold her, Mulder. I’ve envisioned this very scenario _countless_ times during our years together and apart. Our child snuggled with her dad, while I look on in appreciation. The real thing is far more beautiful than anything I could have hoped.”

She smiled, a true Scully-smile, and then leaned in for a kiss. He kissed her back as enthusiastically as he could with a six month old glued to his chest. It was soft—a mere touch of lips—but the emotion she poured into it was palpable.

Ending the kiss, he wanted to inform her of their visitor. “Skinner came over today.”

Her head, which had been resting against his chest, shot up in surprise. “He did?”

“Mhm. He wanted to check up on us. We talked for a while, he held Lily for a bit—what’s so funny?” He asked, amused by her giggles.

“Skinner? Holding a baby?” She continued to laugh against him. “That is something I’ll need to see.”

“She seemed to like him. She only started to get fussy when it was close to nap time. We wrecked the house playing with all her toys before he knocked on the door.”

“We’ll call him tomorrow.”

She left a sweet kiss to his collarbone and burrowed further into his side, warming his insides. He nuzzled the hair falling over her temple and murmured his love for her. Love didn’t seem strong enough a word to adequately describe how he felt for Scully and their daughter.

They were his reason for being. His reason for breathing.

“Mmm, I love you too, Mulder,” she replied, already on the verge of slumber.

Within seconds of her declaration, he felt her body grow slack against his own—the imperceptible tension in her muscles eased. She was sound asleep with her nose against neck and arm around his chest, hand on top of his own.

 _This_ is where their journey had led them. Endless tragedy and darkness, sprinkled with bouts of unbridled passion and light, had brought them to a place of total peace and joy. The two people currently snoozing in his arms were his legacy, his crowning accomplishment. The life he had in the past may have been fraught with turmoil but what mattered the most—to both of them—was the path that lay ahead.

* * *

The End!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Hopefully my next story will be posted faster than this one! The title comes from the song “Reason For Breathing” by Basement. I’ve been listening to that song a bunch lately and liked the name of the song so I incorporated the title into the story.


End file.
